


Falling

by i_know_its_0ver



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Drabble, M/M, one-sided
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-13
Updated: 2011-09-13
Packaged: 2017-10-23 17:11:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/252777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_know_its_0ver/pseuds/i_know_its_0ver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not the fall that kills you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Падение](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6372463) by [Rassda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rassda/pseuds/Rassda)



> Inspired by the song [Falling](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPLrqKrnYts) by Florence + the Machine.
> 
> My first CM fic. Well, drabble. Sorry it's so dark and angsty.

_It’s not the fall that kills you._

That’s how the saying went. And it was true, scientifically speaking. Falling in itself wasn’t the cause of death in most fall-related cases; it was the resulting impact which did the damage.

Of course, a prolonged freefall could be just as dangerous.

Reid had never really understood the expression “to fall in love.” It seemed oddly violent, dangerous, threatening. Falling is a primal human fear, after all, a classic psychological symbol of anxiety and insecurity. It didn’t seem to fit with all the other poetic depictions of love, the comparisons to warmth and light.

But now, for the first time, he got it. Because that’s exactly what this was: a freefall, with no end in sight. A hard impact might even be a relief, a quick end to his misery, rather than this prolonged torture of gasping for air, with no equilibrium or control.

Falling in love with Derek Morgan was the stupidest thing he had ever done, for a multitude of reasons: they were coworkers, they were best friends, they put their lives in each others’ hands on a daily basis. Those relationships were built on trust, a trust Reid was constantly betraying with each lingering glance, each thought.

He considered blurting it out dozens of times. It would be so easy to let his mouth take control, as usual. It was so tempting, when they were joking over coffee in the break room, or decompressing over drinks after a hard case. Especially on those nights when Derek gave him a ride home and they shared that easy silence, or when Derek looked at him with that smile which was both fond and exasperated. Simply getting it out would be a relief. Once it was out of his mouth, it could never be taken back. It might ruin everything, like an volatile fault line opening between them. But even that might be better than the alternative, of keeping this ticking bomb caged within himself, always armed and constantly counting down.

But bombs were a coward’s weapon, Gideon had always said. It might put Reid out of his misery, but the collateral damage would be unacceptable. The braver thing to do, the safer thing, would be to keep it to himself, locked away, until the implosion consumed him from the inside out.

And at night Reid kept having dreams of falling, hoping in vain that he might finally hit the ground.


End file.
